Let Summer Begin!!This past weekend we decided we needed to do some fun summer outings. We feel like we have spent our whole summer dealing with fertility issues and we needed to make up for lost time. On Saturday we planned a day at Bear Lake with the Cook Family. It was a perfect day at the beach! We enjoyed laying out, working on our tans, visiting, playing in the water, building sand castles, and eating a raspberry shake!! 
Jason being buried by Michael and Lilly.
On Sunday we went to our condo in Park City with my family. My parents were moving my sister Kami back down to Snow College so we decided to make a detour to Park City before going down to Ephraim. We enjoyed going shopping to the outlets, playing tennis, visiting, and getting a massage.
Plan B...We had our post IVF appointment on Friday to discuss with the Doctor possible reasons why it didn't work and to make a new game plan. The first thing he said to us when we walked in was he couldn't understand why it didn't work. Out of all the women that were doing it the same time, he would have put money on me that I would have gotten pregnant. So hearing that it only frustrated us more. We talked about some possibilities of why he thought it didn't work and he gave us two ideas. First he said IVF is like going to Vegas with your life savings. You are taking a gamble every time you do it. 50% of the time it works and 50% of the time it doesn't. You have no control of the outcome. So I guess the more times you do it the greater the chances of it working and also the greater chances of wasting a lot of money. The second ideas was that we might have some kind of chromosome problem. This would be one of the causes for the embryo not continuing to grow. It was too scientific for me so I really didn't understand what he was saying. I will have to find more information about it. So our next question was what do we do next? We talked about doing an embryo transfer with our 5 frozen embryo's. This isn't as expensive or time consuming. I would still have to do a month of shots in the stomach and then the progesterone shots in the hip, but I wouldn't have all of the doctor appointments or the shots that could make you over stimulate. The only draw back to this is they don't un-thaw the embryo's until the morning of the transfer. It is possible that when you arrive for the transfer none of them survived and you went through another round of shots for nothing. The doctor did say he would transfer 3 embryo's if that many survived. That would be good, maybe it would increase our chances. I have to wait 2 months before we can start again, so sometime this fall we will give it another try. So hopefully with some kind of miracle it will work for us when we try again!!
Bad News...I guess you can tell by the title of this post that things didn't work out the way we had hoped. There are several of you that have wondered how things turned out, so as I sit here in tears I hope I can express my feelings and use this as a place to vent!So Jason and I went into the doctor on Friday morning to have a blood test. I kind of had a feeling that things weren't going to turn out good. I had felt really good and upbeat about the whole thing and thought it was going to turn out great. Then on Wed. I started to spot and I just felt like things weren't right. I tried to stay up beat and positive, but then on Fri. morning when I did a pregnancy test and it came out negative I knew it hadn't worked. So already feeling upset we drove all the way to Salt Lake for them to take 30 seconds drawing my blood, we came straight home and not 2 minutes later the nurse called with the results. I have spent the last day and a half feeling every possible emotion that one can feel. From sadness to anger to feeling completely hopeless and alone. Through out the last 3 and 1/2 years that we have dealt with the ups and downs of this emotional rollarcoaster I always had in my mind that each time the artificial insemination didn't work or the different drugs they had me try that we could always do in vitro and things would work out. Well now that we have done everything in our power I am left with a broken heart knowing that I may never be able to experience the joys of being pregnant and bringing a special spirit into this world. The hardest thing about this is not the 2 months of shots I had every morning or the $12,000 dollars that I worked so hard to save, but the fact that my hope is gone. I don't know if I'm a strong enough person to put this behind me and have faith that things happen for a reason and when the timing is right then things will fall into place. I just want those moms who read this to remember what a blessing it is to be a mom, and thank Heavenly Father for allowing you that divine responsibility. And just remember that when your waking up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, your 2 year old is destroying your house, or your throwing up every morning because of morning sickness just remember how blessed you are that you get to experience those things. Because their are so many women in this world that would die for those experiences. Love your children and don't take one day for granted, because they truly are a gift.
We had a great weekend spending time with our families. We feel so blessed to live so close to them and be able to spend time together making memories. 